## Nedarim Daf 81b

###### Nedarim 81b:1
[Nedarim 81b:1](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:1)

שֶׁלֹּא מָצִינוּ שׁוּעָל שֶׁמֵּת בַּעֲפַר פִּיר.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
And it cannot be argued that if the woman refrains from bathing or adorning herself, it will negatively impact on her relationship with her husband, **as we do not find a fox dying in the earth of the lair** to which it is accustomed. Similarly, a husband who is accustomed to his wife will not come to avoid engaging in sexual intercourse with her merely because she has not bathed.


###### Nedarim 81b:2
[Nedarim 81b:2](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:2)

תַּנְיָא כְּווֹתֵיהּ דְּרַב אַדָּא בַּר אַהֲבָה: דְּבָרִים שֶׁיֵּשׁ בָּהֶן עִינּוּי נֶפֶשׁ — מֵפֵר, בֵּין בֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ, בֵּין בֵּינָהּ לְבֵין אֲחֵרִים. שֶׁאֵין בָּהֶן עִינּוּי נֶפֶשׁ בֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ — מֵפֵר. בֵּינָהּ לְבֵין אֲחֵרִים — אֵינוֹ מֵפֵר. כֵּיצַד? אָמְרָה ״קֻוֽנָּם פֵּירוֹת עָלַי״ — הֲרֵי זֶה יָפֵר. ״קֻוֽנָּם שֶׁאֵינִי עוֹשָׂה לְפִי אַבָּא״, ״לְפִי אָחִיךָ״, ״לְפִי אָבִיךָ״, ״לְפִי אָחִי״, וְ״שֶׁלֹּא אֶתֵּן תֶּבֶן לִפְנֵי בְּהֶמְתְּךָ וּמַיִם לִפְנֵי בְּקָרֶךָ״ — אֵין יָכוֹל לְהָפֵר.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
The Gemara comments that **it is taught** in a *baraita* **in accordance with** the opinion **of Rav Adda bar Ahava:** Vows taken by a woman concerning **matters that involve affliction** the husband **can nullify, whether** they relate to matters **between him and her or** to matters **between her and others.** As for vows concerning matters **that do not involve affliction,** if they relate to matters **between him and her, he can nullify** them, but if they relate to matters **between her and others, he cannot nullify** them. **How so?** If **she said: Produce is *konam* for me, he can nullify** the vow, as it falls into the category of vows of affliction. If, however, she said: **I will not prepare** anything **for** my **father, as that is *konam*** for me or: **For your brother,** or: **For your father,** or: **For my brother, or: I will not place straw before your animal, or:** I will not place **water before your cattle, he cannot nullify** such vows, as they do not touch upon the relationship between husband and wife, nor do they cause her affliction.


###### Nedarim 81b:3
[Nedarim 81b:3](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:3)

״שֶׁלֹּא אֶכְחוֹל״, ״שֶׁלֹּא אֶפְקוֹס״, וְ״שֶׁלֹּא אֲשַׁמֵּשׁ מִטָּתִי״ — יָפֵר מִשּׁוּם דְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
A wife said: **I will not paint** my eyes, as **that** is *konam* for me; **I will not rouge [*efkos*]** my cheeks, as **that** is *konam* for me; **or: I will not engage in sexual intercourse,** as **that** is *konam* for me. If she made any of these statements, her husband **can nullify** them, **as** they are **matters that** adversely affect the relationship **between him and her.**


###### Nedarim 81b:4
[Nedarim 81b:4](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:4)

״שֶׁלֹּא אַצִּיעַ לָךְ מִטָּתֶךָ״, וְ״שֶׁלֹּא אֶמְזוֹג לְךָ אֶת הַכּוֹס״, וְ״שֶׁלֹּא אֶרְחַץ לָךְ פָּנֶיךָ יָדֶיךָ וְרַגְלֶיךָ״ — אֵין צָרִיךְ לְהָפֵר.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
A wife said: **I will not make your bed,** as **that** is *konam* for me; **or: I will not prepare your cup for you,** mixing your wine with water, as **that** is *konam* for me; **or: I will not wash your face, your hands, or your feet,** as **that** is *konam* for me. If she made these statements, her husband **need not nullify** these vows. They do not take effect, since she is obligated to perform these tasks as part of her marital duties.


###### Nedarim 81b:5
[Nedarim 81b:5](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:5)

רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל אוֹמֵר: יָפֵר, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר: ״לֹא יַחֵל דְּבָרוֹ״. דָּבָר אַחֵר: ״לֹא יַחֵל דְּבָרוֹ״ — מִכָּאן לְחָכָם שֶׁאֵין מַתִּיר נִדְרֵי עַצְמוֹ.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
**Rabban Gamliel says: He should** nevertheless **nullify** such vows, **as it is stated: “He shall not profane his word”** (Numbers 30:3), which teaches that it is improper for one to take a vow and not fulfill it. The Gemara presents another interpretation of the verse: **Alternatively,** the verse states: **“He shall not profane his word,” from here** it may be derived **that a halakhic authority cannot dissolve his own vows.**


###### Nedarim 81b:6
[Nedarim 81b:6](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:6)

מַאן שָׁמְעִינַן דְּאָמַר ״שֶׁלֹּא אֶכְחוֹל וְשֶׁלֹּא אֶפְקוֹס״ דְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ הָוַיִין — רַבִּי יוֹסֵי, וְקָתָנֵי דְּמֵפַר מִשּׁוּם דְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
After having cited the entire *baraita*, the Gemara proceeds to analyze the relevant component: Of **whom** have **we heard that he said** that if a woman says: **I will not paint** my eyes, as **that** is *konam* for me, **or: I will not rouge** my cheeks, the vows fall into the category of **matters that** adversely affect the relationship **between him and her?** It is **Rabbi Yosei,** as the Rabbis, who disagree with him, maintain that they are vows of affliction, **and** the *baraita* **teaches** that the husband **can nullify** such vows **as matters that** adversely affect the relationship **between him and her.** Therefore, the *baraita* supports Rav Adda bar Ahava’s understanding of the opinion of Rabbi Yosei.


###### Nedarim 81b:7
[Nedarim 81b:7](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:7)

אָמַר מָר: ״וְשֶׁלֹּא אֲשַׁמֵּשׁ מִטָּתִי״ — יָפֵר מִשּׁוּם דְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ. הֵיכִי דָמֵי? אִילֵּימָא דְּאָמְרָה: ״הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישִׁי עָלֶיךָ״, לְמָה לִי הֲפָרָה? הָא מְשׁוּעְבֶּדֶת לֵיהּ! אֶלָּא בְּאוֹמֶרֶת ״הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי״, וְכִדְרַב כָּהֲנָא,

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
**The Master said** in the *baraita* that if the woman said: **I will not engage in sexual intercourse,** as **that** is *konam* for me, her husband **can nullify** the vow **as** an example of **matters that** adversely affects the relationship **between him and her.** The Gemara raises a question: **What are the circumstances** of the case? **If we say that she said: The benefit of my** engaging in **intercourse** with you **is** forbidden **to you, why do I** need the husband’s **nullification** at all? **She is obligated to** engage in intercourse with **him** by the very nature of their marriage, and it is not within her power to release herself from this duty by means of a vow. **Rather,** the *baraita* must refer to a case where **she said: The benefit of your** engaging in **intercourse** with me **is** forbidden **to me, and** it is **in accordance with** the opinion **of Rav Kahana.**


###### Nedarim 81b:8
[Nedarim 81b:8](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:8)

דְּאָמַר רַב כָּהֲנָא: ״הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישִׁי עָלֶיךָ״ — כּוֹפָהּ וּמְשַׁמַּשְׁתּוֹ. ״הֲנָאַת תַּשְׁמִישְׁךָ עָלַי״ — יָפֵר, שֶׁאֵין מַאֲכִילִין אֶת הָאָדָם דָּבָר הָאָסוּר לוֹ.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
**As Rav Kahana said** that if a woman says: **The benefit of my** engaging in **intercourse** with you **is** forbidden **to you, he can compel her to have relations with him.** If, however, she said: **The benefit of your** engaging in **intercourse** with me **is** forbidden **to me, he must nullify** her vow. Why must the husband nullify it if she is obligated to have relations with him? It is **because we do not feed a person something that is forbidden to him.** Although she cannot release herself from her duty, since she prohibited herself from deriving pleasure from the act, she may not engage in sexual intercourse, as it would entail forbidden pleasure.


###### Nedarim 81b:9
[Nedarim 81b:9](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:9)

מַאן תְּנָא הָא דְּתַנְיָא: דְּבָרִים הַמּוּתָּרִים וַאֲחֵרִים נָהֲגוּ בָּהֶן אִיסּוּר — אִי אַתָּה רַשַּׁאי לִנְהוֹג בָּהֶם הֶיתֵּר כְּדֵי לְבַטְּלָן, מִשּׁוּם שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר ״לֹא יַחֵל דְּבָרוֹ״, דָּבָר אַחֵר: ״לֹא יַחֵל דְּבָרוֹ״ — מִכָּאן לְתַלְמִיד חָכָם שֶׁאֵין מֵפֵר נִדְרֵי עַצְמוֹ. מַנִּי? רַבָּן גַּמְלִיאֵל הִיא.

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
The Gemara asks: **Who** is the *tanna* who **taught that which is taught** in a *baraita*: With regard to **matters that are permitted, but others were accustomed to** treat **them** as **a prohibition, you are not allowed to treat them as permitted in a manner** that may **cause the negation of** their custom, **as it is stated: “He shall not profane his word”** (Numbers 30:3). The verse indicates that any vow in which a person renders a matter forbidden to himself, i.e., “his word,” is considered a quasi-vow, which may not be profaned. The Gemara presents another interpretation of the verse: **Alternatively,** the verse states: **“He shall not profane his word”; from here** it may be derived **that a halakhic authority cannot dissolve his own vows. Whose** opinion is this? **It is** that of **Rabban Gamliel,** who maintains that a man should nullify his wife’s vow even if it does not actually take effect.


###### Nedarim 81b:10
[Nedarim 81b:10](https://torahapp.org/share/book/Nedarim/r/81b:10)

בְּעָא מִינֵּיהּ רָבָא מֵרַב נַחְמָן: תַּשְׁמִישׁ הַמִּטָּה לְרַבָּנַן, עִינּוּי נֶפֶשׁ הוּא, אוֹ דְּבָרִים שֶׁבֵּינוֹ לְבֵינָהּ? אֲמַר לֵיהּ: תְּנֵיתוּהָ, ״וּנְטוּלָה אֲנִי מִן הַיְּהוּדִים״,

**William Davidson Edition - English:**
**Rava raised a dilemma before Rav Naḥman:** If a woman took a vow that **sexual intercourse** with her husband is forbidden to her, then, **according to the Rabbis, is it** a vow of **affliction or** does it fall within the category of **matters that** adversely affect the relationship **between him and her?** Rav Naḥman **said to him: You learned** the answer to this question in a mishna (90b): **And** if a woman said: **I am removed from the Jews,** i.e., the benefit of my engaging in intercourse is forbidden to all Jews,