Do not form the habit of making vows. Whoever makes a vow, [it is considered] as if he built an altar at a time that [private] altars were prohibited.¹ One who fulfills [such a vow is considered] as though he had offered a sacrifice upon it, which makes him guilty of shechutei chutz.². Rather it is preferable that you request absolution from your vow³ (Court) to absolve him of his vow. This is usually based on his claim that had he been aware of certain consequences he never would have made the vow in the first place. If the Beis Din (Court) agrees, it may absolve him. and that the Beis Din (Court) nullify it for you. This applies only to ordinary vows, but vows made to the sanctuary⁴ are meritorious to fulfill, for it is said: "I will fulfill my vows to Hashem,"⁵ 116: 14. and one should not attempt to annul these vows unless the need is great.

footnotes: ¹ Just as one who sets up his own altar assumes that he is performing the will of God beyond the call of duty, so too, one who vows to prohibit on himself that which is permissible is under the same mistaken impression. ² The prohibition of slaughtering sacrifices outside the Bais Hamikdash ³ One who makes a vow may petition the Beis Din ⁴ I.e. vows to donate to worthy causes. ⁵ Psalms

Similarly, you should distance yourself from taking an oath. However, if it happened that you did swear concerning any matter, you should not attempt to annul the oath, but rather abide by it even if it causes you distress, for it is said: "He swears to his own hurt and changes not,"⁶ 15: 4. and afterwards it is written: "Whoever does these things will never be moved." No attempt should be made to annul an oath unless the need is great.

footnotes: ⁶ Psalms

You should take care not to make any vows. It is best not to make vows even for charity. Rather, if you possess that which you wish to donate, give it immediately.⁷ If you do not have [what to donate], then wait until you have and give without making a vow. If people are making commitments to charity and you must join them, you should explicitly state that you are committing without a vow. Similarly, when the Yizkor⁸ prayer is said when it is customary to make a vow to charity, you should say: ["I will give,] but I am not making a vow." (See above Chapter 34, paragraph 9.) At a time of great distress it is permitted to make a vow.

footnotes: ⁷ Rather than obligate yourself through a promise. ⁸ A prayer for the remembrance of the dead recited on the Three Festivals and Yom Kippur.

If you resolve to set for yourself [a time] for the study of Torah or to perform any mitzvah, and are concerned that you will neglect to do so later; or if you are concerned that your [evil] inclination might induce you to do something which is forbidden or prevent you from doing a mitzvah, you may quicken your resolve by means of a vow or an oath, for Rav said:⁹ 7b-8a. "From where is it known that we may take an oath to fulfill a mitzvah to quicken our resolve, though we are already under oath to do so from [the time we stood at] Mount Sinai?" For it is said: "I have sworn and I have fulfilled [my oath] to preserve your righteous mandates."¹⁰ 119: 10b. Even if you did not declare your intention in the form of a vow or an oath, but even a simple declaration constitutes a vow and obligates you to fulfill it. Therefore, you must be careful when saying that you will perform any mitzvah to say: "[I will do so] but I am not making a vow." It is worthwhile to develop this habit, even when planning on doing something mundane, so that you will not transgress the violation of vows.

footnotes: ⁹ Nedarim ¹⁰ Psalms

One who makes vows in order to improve his character is considered diligent and praiseworthy. These are examples: A glutton vows to abstain from eating meat for a certain time, or if he was overindulgent in wine he vows to abstain from wine and other intoxicating beverages. Similarly, one was vain about his good looks and took upon himself the nazirite vow.¹¹ period. These vows are for the service of God, blessed be His Name, and regarding these situations our Sages said: "Vows are a protective fence for abstinence."¹² Chapt. 3, Mishnah 17. Nevertheless, a person should not make it habitual even regarding vows of such nature, but should strive to conquer his vices even without resorting to vows.

footnotes: ¹¹ The nazirite vow requires the shaving off of all his hair at the end of the nazir ¹² Ethics of the Fathers

A vow is not valid unless the "mouth and heart were as one."¹³ But if you vowed mistakenly [that is,] your intention was not the same as the utterance of your lips, or if you only thought of making a vow, but did not utter it with your lips, this is not [considered] a vow.

footnotes: ¹³ I.e. you meant what you said.

If you are accustomed to adhere to certain [voluntary] restrictions that are permitted according to the halachah¹⁴ in order [to create] a hedge and a fence or to inculcate self abstinence, for example, fasting during selichos days,¹⁵ prayers are said asking forgiveness for our sins. or abstaining from eating meat and drinking wine from the seventeenth day of Tammuz until Tisha B'av,¹⁶ and other similar [restrictions], even if you practiced these things only once, but intended to continue this practice always, or practiced them three times even without the intent to continue this practice always, but did not stipulate that it shall be "without a vow," and you [now] wish to cancel [this practice] because you are not well—you require nullification [of your vow by a Beis Din]. You must begin [the nullification process] with regret, i.e. that you regret that you assumed this practice as a vow. Therefore, if you wish to assume some restrictions [for the purpose of creating] a hedge or for [reasons of] abstinence, you should first state—that you do not take it upon yourself as a vow, and you should also say that you intend to practice this only for that time or at other times that you may wish to do so but not for always [as a regular practice].

footnotes: ¹⁴ I.e. according to the letter of the law. ¹⁵ Days when special selichos ¹⁶ A three week period of mourning the loss of Jerusalem and the Holy Temple.

What is the process of nullification for a vow or an oath? You must go before three learned men one of whom is an expert in the laws of vows, who knows which of the vows may be nullified, which of them cannot be nullified, and in what manner it may be nullified, and they (these three men) may nullify it for you. A vow made in a dream should preferably be nullifed by ten learned men.¹⁷ 8a)

footnotes: ¹⁷ A dream may be a sign from above and since the Divine Presence is found amongst ten learned men, they are therefore, empowered to nullify the vow. (Rosh, Nedarim

Although where all mitzvos of the Torah are concerned a son does not reach adulthood until he is thirteen years old, and has grown [pubic] hair, and a daughter does not reach adulthood until she is twelve years old and has produced "signs" [of adulthood], nevertheless, where vows and oaths are concerned they become responsible one year earlier. That is, a young boy twelve years and a day, and a young girl eleven years and a day, even though they haven't produced "signs," if they understand in whose name a vow or an oath is made, their vow is a [valid] vow and their oath is a [valid] oath. But, [if they are] younger than this age, even if they understand [vows and oaths], their words count for naught. Nevertheless, they should be reprimanded and spanked in order that they not become accustomed [to making] vows and [swearing] oaths. If [the vow that the youngsters made] is insignificant and easy [to fulfill] not entailing any suffering, they should be ordered to fulfill it.

A father may cancel his daughter's vows until she comes of age, that is, when [she reaches the age of] twelve years and six months, provided that she has not married. A husband may cancel his wife's vows. What is the process for cancellation? He says three times: "cancelled" or "absolved" or any other language that indicates total abrogation of the vow, regardless whether he says this in her presence or not in her presence. However, language of "nullification" is not valid for a father or husband. Also, they can only cancel the vow within the day they heard it. That is, if they heard the vow at the beginning of the evening, they may cancel it all night and the entire following day.¹⁸ If they heard [the vow] close to the time that the stars appear, they can cancel it only until the stars appear. Beyond that time they cannot cancel it. On Shabbos, he should not say to her: "It is cancelled for you" as [he would say] on a weekday, but he should cancel it in his heart, and say to her: "Take and eat"¹⁹ or some similar expression.²⁰ If the father or the husband at first said that he is satisfied with the vow, although he did not say so explicitly, but said something that indicated his satisfaction, and even if it was only in his heart that he thought that he is satisfied by her vow, he can no longer cancel it. (If she made the vow conditional upon some act, see Shach 234:45.)

footnotes: ¹⁸ Until the next nightfall. ¹⁹ The food that she prohibited by her vow. ²⁰ Anything that conveys the message that he has cancelled.

What manner of vows can a father or husband cancel? Only matters of physical discomfort such as: bathing, adorning herself, eye makeup, hairdo, and the like. The husband can cancel also things that do not entail physical discomfort, if they are matters concerning things between husband and wife which cause resentment between them. However, these things are permitted [for her] only for as long as she remains with him. [But], after she is widowed or divorced they are prohibited to her.