Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / The Reason for These Customs

The days between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot are days of sorrow, because 24,000 of R. Akiva’s students died during that period. Therefore, we keep some customs of mourning during this**period: we do not marry, get haircuts, or engage in elective dancing.

Before we discuss the details of these customs, let us expand a bit upon the main point, namely, the reason R. Akiva’s students died. The Talmud states: R. Akiva had 12,000 pairs of students…and they all died during the same period, because they did not treat each other with respect…. It is taught in a beraita, “They all died between Pesaḥ and [Shavu’ot]…and they all died a terrible death.” The world was desolate until R. Akiva came to our rabbis in the south and taught them [and these are the new students]: R. Meir, R. Yehuda, R. Yose, R. Shimon, and R. Elazar b. Shamu’a; it was they who revived the Torah. (Yevamot62b) The Midrash (Bereishit Rabba 61:3) further recounts that R. Akiva said to his new students, “My sons, the first ones died only because they begrudged one another; make sure not to do as they did.”¹(diphtheria or croup), but R. Sherira Gaon writes in his Igeret that they died as a result of religious persecution. In this context, I have heard an interesting explanation: that they died during the Bar Kokhba rebellion. Some students went out to fight the Romans, while others continued studying Torah, and the members of the two groups denigrated one another, each saying: “I am greater than my colleague, for my contribution is important and beneficial, while my friend’s is useless.” Because of this baseless hatred between the fighters and the learners, they were defeated by their enemies, and they all died in a short period. Indeed, the date is not coincidental – they died between Pesaḥ, which represents Jewish nationalism, and Shavu’ot, which symbolizes the spiritual Torah. By showing disrespect for one another, these students created a rift between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot, between nationalism and Torah, causing them all to die during this season. Some quote the passage from Bereishit Rabba as follows, “They begrudged one another’s Torah.” According to this, the primary rectification needs to be directed toward increasing respect between Torah scholars of different camps. (See below, end of n. 13, where we explain that these days have a festive side as well, serving as a Ḥol Ha-mo’ed of sorts – intermediate days between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot.)

footnotes: ¹ The Gemara states that the terrible death they suffered was askera

Since then, the omerperiod has become a time when some mourning customs are observed and when people, especially Torah students, try to improve their interpersonal relationships. Since this is based on custom, rather than an explicit rabbinic enactment, customs vary among the different Jewish communities, as we will explain below.

Around a thousand years later, during the time of the Crusades, which began in the year 4856 (1096), Christians slaughtered thousands of Jews in Germany. These tragedies, too, occurred mainly during the days of the omer. Approximately 500 years later, in 5408-5409 (1648-1649), the Jews were massacred once again, this time in Eastern Europe. Tens of thousands of Jews were murdered. These pogroms also occurred, for the most part, during the omer period. Therefore, Ashkenazim are inclined to be more stringent regarding these customs of mourning.

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / The Duration of the Mourning Period

There are many customs regarding when the mourning period begins and ends. We will mention the four primary ones:

1. The customs of mourning apply for the entire omer period. This custom is based on the version of the Gemara that appears in our texts (Yevamot 62b), which states that R. Akiva’s students died between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot. Thus, one should follow the customs of mourning throughout that period.

2. The mourning period continues until Lag Ba-omer (the 33rd day of the omer). This custom is based on the well-known tradition that R. Akiva’s students stopped dying on Lag Ba-omer.

3. The customs of mourning apply until the 34th day of the omer. This is based on a Sephardic tradition, according to which the text of the Gemara reads: “R. Akiva’s students died until “pros ha-Atzeret.” Since pros means “half” (and Atzeret refers to Shavu’ot), this means that they died until half a month before Shavu’ot. When we subtract fifteen days from the 49 days of the omer, we are left with 34 days during which R. Akiva’s students died, during which we observe customs of mourning.

4. We observe 33 continuous days of mourning. This custom is based on a tradition that R. Akiva’s students died on every non-festive day of the omer period, which adds up to 33 days. Consequently, we must observe customs of mourning for 33 straight days, whether this period coincides with the beginning or the end of the omerperiod.² §493 cites this opinion anonymously, indicating that it is the accepted opinion. Orḥot Ḥayim states this with regard to both weddings and haircuts (Minhagei Yisrael, vol. 1, pp. 101-102). Shibolei Ha-leket and Rabbeinu Yeruḥam provide two additional reasons why we mourn during the omer period: a) it is based on R. Yoḥanan b. Nuri’s opinion that the wicked are judged in Gehinom between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot; b) these are days of judgment that determine the success of the grain harvest. 2 and 3. These customs are based on a tradition that R. Akiva’s students stopped dying on Lag Ba-omer. Several Rishonim mention this, including Me’iri (Yevamot 62b): “The Ge’onim had a tradition that the dying ceased on the 33rd day of the omer. Therefore, we have a custom to refrain from fasting on that day. This is also why there is a custom not to get married between Pesaḥ and that day.” There is also a different version of the Gemara in Yevamot, as Sefer Ha-manhig states in the name of Ha-ma’or, that according to a Sephardic variant of the text, R. Akiva’s students died until pros ha-Atzeret. Since pros implies half a month, or fifteen days, it turns out that we must observe customs of mourning until the 34th day of the omer. There is a difficulty with this approach: According to the tradition mentioned above, the students stopped dying on the 33rd, but according to the calculation of pros, we mourn until the 34th. There are two opinions regarding this issue. Some maintain that we must observe the customs of mourning until the 34th day. This is the view of Ibn Shu’ib and Tashbetz 1:178, cited in Beit Yosef §493. SA 493:2 concurs. Perhaps these authorities explain that the students continued dying throughout the day of the 33rd; therefore, the mourning period ends only on the 34th. In contrast, Ha-manhig (Hilkhot Erusin, end of §106) implies that the period of mourning actually ends on Lag Ba-omer. Other Rishonim and Aḥaronim write similarly. According to them, we must explain that when the Sages use the word pros, they mean approximately half a month, because in reality we stop mourning sixteen days before Shavu’ot. So writes R. Yaakov b. R. Avraham Castro (Maharikash) in Erekh Leḥem (see also below n. 3).
5. The Rishonim cite a tradition in the name of Tosafot (not printed in our text of the Gemara) that R. Akiva’s students died on the 33 ordinary, non-festive days of the omer period. If we subtract from the 49 days of the omersix days of Pesaḥ, isru ḥag(the day after Pesaḥ), six Shabbatot, and three days of Rosh Ḥodesh, we are left with 33 days on which the students died. Consequently, we observe customs of mourning for 33 consecutive days. Some observe them at the beginning of the omer, while others do so at the end. Beit Yosef cites this tradition in the name of Ibn Shu’ib, and Rema 493:3 mentions it as well. Baḥ, MB 493:13, and BHL ad loc. clarify the details of this practice. Many Ashkenazim observe the customs of mourning during the latter part of the omer, because the Crusades – during which their ancestors experienced terrible massacres – began in the months of Iyar and Sivan. On the eighth of Iyar, the Jews of Speyer were massacred; the Jews of Worms on the 23rd of Iyar; the Jews of Mainz on the third of Sivan; and the Jews of Cologne on the sixth of Sivan. The earliest custom in this regard was to begin the mourning period on the second of Iyar and end it on Erev Shavu’ot. Nonetheless, one who follows this custom may start the mourning period at the beginning of the omer as well. Even though the laws of mourning do not find expression on Ḥol Ha-mo’ed Pesaḥ – as there is a mitzva to rejoice throughout the holiday – this does not take away from the 33 days, just as the days of Shabbat, on which mourning is precluded, count toward the 33 days of the omer and the seven days of regular mourning. Minhagei Yisrael, vol. 1, pp. 101-111, explains the Sephardic and Ashkenazic customs. In his addenda, vol. 4, pp. 237-241, he brings proofs that the word pros does not usually mean half, but “close to.” According to this, the version that reads “until pros ha-Atzeret” means until Erev Shavu’ot. It is important to note that there was another custom: to observe mourning throughout the omer period, except on Rosh Ḥodesh and Lag Ba-omer, when everything is permitted. We do not follow this practice (cited in MA 493:5 and MB 493:15).

footnotes: ² Sources for the various traditions: 1. R. Natronai Gaon, R. Hai Gaon, and Ritz Gi’at write that ever since R. Akiva’s students died, we refrain from marrying between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot. Tur

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Sephardic Practice

According to Shulḥan Arukh (493:1-2), the customs of mourning begin on the first day of the omer and last until the morning of the 34th. This is based on the tradition that, according to the Gemara, R. Akiva’s students died until pros ha-Atzeret, meaning fifteen days before Shavu’ot. This implies that we must continue mourning until the 34th day of the omer. However, as with the laws of mourning during shiva (the seven-day mourning period for a close relative), a small part of a day is considered like a whole day. Therefore, just as a mourner may terminate his shivaperiod after starting to mourn for only a short time at the beginning of the seventh day, since he has effectively completed that day, the same applies to the mourning of the omer period: One need not wait until the end of the 34th day. Rather, all customs of mourning cease to apply a few moments after daybreak on the morning of the 34th, because a small part of that day is considered like the whole day.

Despite this, one may sing, play music, and dance on Lag Ba-omer, in honor of the anniversary of R. Shimon bar Yoḥai’s death. However, the other customs of mourning remain binding. Thus, according to this practice, one may not get married or cut one’s hair on Lag Ba-omer, and when the day ends, one may not play music or dance on the night of the 34th. When the morning of the 34th comes, however, all practices of mourning cease to apply. (Those who follow Arizal’s customs act stringently and refrain from cutting their hair until Erev Shavu’ot; see Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:13.)

Some Sephardic communities – like those from Turkey and Egypt – end all customs of mourning on Lag Ba-omer. Even though most Sephardim in Israel today do not follow this practice, if there is a great need to be lenient on Lag Ba-omer or the night of the 34th, one should consult with a Torah scholar.³,” which means the 34th day of the omer. However, some Sephardic poskim maintain that the customs of mourning end on Lag Ba-omer. Maharikash and R. Yaakov Rakaḥ write in this vein, and Maharikash explains in Erekh Leḥem that pros does not necessarily mean exactly half a month. Sheyarei Knesset Ha-gedola (Hagahot Beit Yosef 493:3) writes that in and around Constantinople, it was customary to get married on Lag Ba-omer. Pri Ḥadash, Nehar Mitzrayim, and others rule similarly. However, the prevalent custom follows SA’s opinion. This can be found in Yeḥaveh Da’at 3:31 and Yabi’a Omer, OḤ 3:26:4. Nonetheless, in pressing circumstances, and when there is potential for monetary loss, there is room to be lenient, provided that a Torah scholar rules that one may do so. R. Ovadia Yosef writes in this vein in Yabi’a Omer 5:38. This leniency applies especially to those who come from places like Turkey, where it is customary to be lenient on Lag Ba-omer. (On the night of the 34th, one may also factor in Ramban’s opinion, namely, that a small part of the night is considered like the entirety of the day; see below, n. 5.) According to Radbaz and Pri Ḥadash, one who has yet to fulfill the mitzva of procreation need not avoid getting married during this period. Yemenite Jews followed such a custom (Shetilei Zeitim 493:4, Maharitz 2:111). In practice, though, we are not lenient regarding this issue, unless circumstances are pressing, and even then, only in accordance with the ruling of a Torah scholar. (Even Yemenite Jews are not lenient; see Shulḥan Arukh Ha-mekutzar 92:7.)

footnotes: ³ The Sephardic custom is elucidated in SA 493:1-2, and we explained its foundations in the previous section (custom 3), based on the meaning of “pros ha-Atzeret

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Ashkenazic Practice

The prevalent custom among Ashkenazim in Israel today amalgamates several traditions. Most customs of mourning last until Lag Ba-omer, while some continue afterward. This is based on the tradition that although the plague ended on Lag Ba-omer, students who fell ill before then died between the 34th day of the omer and Shavu’ot (Maharal, Ḥidushei Aggadot, Yevamot 62b). Therefore, Ashkenazim do not cut their hair, get married, play music, or dance until Lag Ba-omer. Afterward, however, they refrain only from weddings and large celebrations. Another reason for this custom is that during the Crusades and the Khmelnytsky Massacres of 1648-1649, tens of thousands of Ashkenazic Jews were killed. Since these murders occurred mainly during the latter part of the omer period, Ashkenazic communities refrain from large celebrations during this period. From Rosh Ḥodesh**Sivan, however, it is customary to permit weddings, because the joy of Shavu’ot, which we already begin to experience from the beginning of the month, cancels the mourning. Some rule leniently and allow one to get married from Lag Ba-omer and on, and to avoid only optional large celebrations until Shavu’ot. (In the note below, we will mention another custom that was very widespread in Germany.)⁴ 18:2. Siddur Pesaḥ Ke-hilkhato 12:3 states likewise. This custom satisfies all the various traditions. First of all, 33 days of mourning are observed at the beginning of the omer period, which satisfies the tradition that Rema quotes from Tosafot. It also fits with the tradition that the plague ceased on Lag Ba-omer. In addition, we can explain that the textual variant that states that R. Akiva’s students died until pros ha-Atzeret means approximately half a month before Shavu’ot. Furthermore, following this practice means that there is no great difference between the Ashkenazic and Sephardic customs. Nonetheless, we still continue to avoid large celebrations even after Lag Ba-omer, in accordance with the tradition that R. Akiva’s students who fell ill before the 33rd died throughout the remainder of the omer period. Furthermore, Taz 493:2 states that we observe these customs because of the tragedies that occurred after Lag Ba-omer. Another explanation for this custom is that it fits with our version of the Gemara (Yevamot 62b), which states that the students died between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot. And since refraining from getting married is the only expression of mourning mentioned in the writings of the Ge’onim, we do not get married during the entire omer period (except from Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan and on). The prohibitions against cutting one’s hair and listening to music were instituted later; therefore, it is customary to observe these prohibitions only until Lag Ba-omer. Another way to interpret the Ashkenazic custom is that one must observe any 33 days of mourning, not necessarily the first 33 days of the omerperiod. Accordingly, we count 33 days starting from the day after isru ḥag until the 29th of Iyar (not including Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar and Lag Ba-omer). Thus, everything is permissible from Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan and on. Some authorities permit weddings after Lag Ba-omer, if necessary, because they fulfill a mitzva, and prohibit only optional large celebrations until Shavu’ot. In Germany, the Jews adopted the fourth custom from the above list, according to which the important part is to observe 33 days of mourning at the beginning or end of the omer period. Here, too, there are several options: 1) to observe 33 days of mourning from the beginning of the omer period (like the Ashkenazic custom in Israel); 2) from the thirtieth of Nisan, which is the first day of Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar, until the morning of the third of Sivan; 3) from the second of Iyar until Erev Shavu’ot (Rema 493:3, MB 493:15). Rema 493:3 writes that two different customs should not be observed in the same place, because of the prohibition of lo titgodedu(“do not make factions”). However, if people from various communities gather together in one place, they may follow different customs. R. Moshe Feinstein concurs in Igrot Moshe, OḤ 1:159. According to the German practice (the fourth custom), if there is no established custom in a particular city, it is permissible to choose one of the customs, as long as they do not adopt only the leniencies of multiple customs. They may even observe the first 33 days one year and begin on Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar the next, because these are not really different customs; the main idea is to observe 33 consecutive days of mourning. Ḥatam Sofer OḤ 142 states that one may follow one practice regarding weddings and another regarding haircuts. Nowadays, there are barely any Ashkenazim in Israel who have the custom of holding weddings before Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar, so it seems preferable to discourage people from holding weddings then, because the Israeli practice is also based on the third custom mentioned above, and one should not follow two different practices in one place.

footnotes: ⁴ The Ashkenazic custom in Israel regarding weddings is explained in Minhagei Eretz Yisrael

On the day of Lag Ba-omer itself, it is permissible to get married and take a haircut. There is a dispute, however, regarding the night: some say that weddings and haircuts are permitted at night as well, because the entirety of Lag Ba-omer is joyous. Others maintain that one is required to observe 33 consecutive days of mourning, so it is permissible to get married and get a haircut only after morning has arrived and we can apply the rule: “Part of a day is considered like a whole day.” It is customary to act stringently le-khatḥila, but one may follow those who rule leniently if necessary. According to all customs, it is permissible to celebrate with music and dancing on the night of Lag Ba-omer.⁵10 inclines toward this opinion as well. However, many authorities, including Ma’adanei Yom Tov, Ḥok Yaakov, Mor U-ketzi’a, and others, maintain that the entirety of Lag Ba-omer is permissible. Their reasoning is that Lag Ba-omer, both night and day, is a time of joy, when R. Akiva’s students stopped dying. The problem, however, is that we need to observe 33 days of mourning. According to those who do not celebrate weddings until Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan, there is no problem, because they observe more than 33 days of mourning. There is also no difficulty according to our version of Maharil’s work, which states that one must avoid cutting one’s hair for only 32 days, since he writes that we refrain from weddings for the entire omer period. SAH 493:5 writes that this halakha is connected to the question of whether Taḥanun is recited at Minḥa on the day before Lag Ba-omer. According to those who maintain that Taḥanun is omitted, the mourning period lasts 32 days, and it is customary to omit Taḥanun (see below ch. 5 n. 1). If we, nonetheless, insist on 33 days of mourning, and we do not include the days after Lag Ba-omer in this count, perhaps we can rely on Ramban’s opinion that a small part of the night is considered like the entire day. Then, we can celebrate weddings and cut our hair a few moments after the night of Lag Ba-omer begins (so states Pri Ḥadash).

footnotes: ⁵ The plain meaning of Rema 493:2 implies that it becomes permissible to get married and get a haircuts only on the morning of Lag Ba-omer, not on the night of the 33rd. This is because we must observe 33 days of mourning, and SA YD 295:1 rules in accordance with the opinion of Maharam of Rothenburg (as opposed to Ramban) that a small part of the night is not considered like the whole of the day; this principle only applies to a small part of the daylight hours. Gra concurs, and MB ad loc.

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Weddings and Engagements during the Omer Period

Now that we have discussed the duration of the mourning period, we will outline the laws of the various customs in detail. The Ge’onim write that ever since R. Akiva’s students died in the period between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot, the Jewish people have a custom not to get married during this time.

Some poskim maintain that only optional marriages are prohibited, like that of a man who has been married before and has already fulfilled the mitzva of procreation. However, one who has yet to fulfill the mitzva of procreation may get married during the omerperiod, because the mitzva of marriage overrides the custom (Radbaz, Pri Ḥadash). In practice, though, the consensus of Aḥaronim is that it is customary not to get married during this period, even if one has yet to fulfill the mitzva of procreation, because otherwise the custom of mourning would have almost no significance. One may, however remarry his ex-wife, because it is a mitzva to do so and it is not an overly joyous occasion (MB 493:1, Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:2-3).

According to the custom of most Sephardim, the prohibition against getting married lasts from the beginning of the omer period until the 34th day. That is, one may get married from the morning of the 34th and on. Some Sephardic communities follow a more lenient custom and permit getting married from Lag Ba-omer. Under pressing circumstances, one may follow this practice, in accordance with the ruling of a Torah scholar (see above n. 3).

The Ashkenazic custom in Israel is to forbid weddings from the beginning of the omer period until the 29th of Iyar, allowing them only from Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan and on. Some rabbis permit those who have yet to fulfill the mitzva of procreation to get married from Lag Ba-omer and on, and one who wishes to be lenient for the sake of this great mitzva may do so. All Ashkenazic customs agree that one may get married on the day of Lag Ba-omer, and some are even lenient on the night of Lag Ba-omer; one who wishes to follow this leniency may do so. Additionally, all agree that if a wedding takes place on the day of Lag Ba-omer, the celebrations may continue into the night of the 34th.⁶ allow a couple to get married on Friday, the 31st day of the omer, when Lag Ba-omer falls out on Sunday, just as Rema permits cutting one’s hair on that day. Others forbid this. According to Sephardic practice, it seems clear that one should not be lenient in this regard. MB 493:5 maintains that if Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar falls out on Shabbat – making it doubly joyous – one may get married on Friday and serve the meal and rejoice on Shabbat/Rosh Ḥodesh. Sephardim rule leniently in this case only under pressing circumstances (Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:42, based on Beit David and Ḥida).

footnotes: ⁶ Regarding the custom not to get married until Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan, see n. 4. The Chief Rabbinate of Israel has established that all Ashkenazim may get married on Yom Yerushalayim (the 28th of Iyar), the day Jerusalem was reunified in 1967. Regarding the night of Lag Ba-omer, see n. 5. If the wedding took place on the day of Lag Ba-omer, the celebrants may continue the meal and dancing into the night of the 34th.Under pressing circumstances, some Ashkenazic poskim

If one is invited to a wedding on a day when weddings are forbidden according to his custom, but the groom follows a custom that permits weddings on that day, he may attend the affair, partake of the meal, and dance with joy before the bride and groom (Igrot Moshe, OḤ 1:159).

Only weddings are forbidden. One may hold an engagement party, on condition that no music is played.⁷ (a ceremonial festive meal associated with a mitzva), as MA 493:1 and MB 493:3 demonstrate regarding such a meal, in contrast to what Yalkut Yosefstates writes (Hilkhot Sefirat Ha-omer §35) in MB’s name. Furthermore, we will explain below, in section 9, that even at a full-fledged se’udat mitzva, like a brit mila, one may play music only if the local custom is to play music at all such events, and there is not always music at engagement parties. In the last few years, however, many people have adopted the custom of playing music and dancing at engagement parties. Therefore, one who believes that this is the custom of his entire environment may be lenient if he wishes and play music to the minimum extent that is considered acceptable. Still, it is proper to hold a siyumat the party, in order to ensure that it is a se’udat mitzva.

footnotes: ⁷ Even though such a party is joyous, it is permitted because it involves some element of a mitzva, as it strengthens the bond between the couple. Nonetheless, one should not play music at such an occasion, because it is not considered an actual se’udat mitzva

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Haircuts

The Rishonim write that one should not get a haircut during the omer period. As we learned above (sections 3-4), Sephardim observe this prohibition until the morning of the 34th day of the omer. Ashkenazic custom, on the other hand, permits it from the morning of Lag Ba-omer, and some are even more lenient, permitting haircuts on the night of Lag Ba-omer. In a time of need, one may rely on those who rule leniently (see above n. 5).

Only regular haircuts, which include an element of joy, are prohibited. However, one may trim his mustache if it interferes with his eating. Similarly, one who gets headaches when his hair is too long, or one who has sores on his head, may cut his hair during this period (based on SA 551:13, MB *ad loc.*21, and BHL ad loc.; Siddur Pesaḥ Ke-hilkhato 12:8-9). If one has lice, or one’s child has lice, then if there is no other way to get rid of them, a haircut is permissible.

The prohibition applies to both men and women. However, a woman may cut her hair for purposes of modesty. For example, if her hair comes out of her head covering, she may cut it (SA 551:13, MB *ad loc.*79). One may also cut or pluck hair for cosmetic purposes. Therefore, women may pluck their eyebrows or remove facial hair (Piskei Teshuvot 493:7, quoting R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach; see also Igrot Moshe, YD 2:137).

One may not cut children’s hair during this period, unless there is a great need to do so, such as to prevent them from suffering (see SA 551:14, MB *ad loc.*82).

The main participants in a brit mila – the father of the child, the sandak, and the mohel – may cut their hair in honor of the occasion (MB 493:12; we will discuss the status of Yom Ha-atzma’ut below, 4:11). According to Ashkenazic custom, one may cut his hair in anticipation of Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar when it falls out on Shabbat (MB 493:5). Sephardim are lenient in this regard only under pressing circumstances (Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:42).⁸

footnotes: ⁸ According to Ashkenazic custom, one may shave and cut his hair in honor of Shabbat when Lag Ba-omer falls out on Sunday (Rema 493:2); Sephardic custom prohibits this. If Lag Ba-omer falls out on Friday, however, even Sephardim allow cutting one’s hair and shaving on that day (SA 493:2).

Those who follow the customs of Arizal take care not to cut their hair for the entire omer period, until Erev Shavu’ot, when they cut their hair in honor of the festival. According to the custom of Arizal, one should not cut his hair even for the sake of a brit mila. The only exception is cutting the hair of three-year-old boys for the first time on Lag Ba-omer (Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:13; see below, 5:6 regarding the custom of ḥalakaor upsherin).

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Shaving

A question arises regarding the issue of shaving during the omer period. May one who shaves regularly throughout the year do so during this period? Many authorities maintain that shaving is included in the prohibition of cutting one’s hair, so whenever haircuts are prohibited, shaving is prohibited as well. Most yeshiva students follow this practice, to the point that refraining from shaving has become the most prominent sign of mourning during the omer period.

Some poskim, however, maintain that there is a fundamental difference between haircuts and shaving: a haircut is special occasion that includes a joyous element. It is common that people get their hair cut in honor of holidays and celebratory events. In contrast, shaving is a routine practice nowadays, done daily or every few days in order to remove unsightly whiskers and stubble. Therefore, the custom to refrain from cutting one’s hair does not apply to shaving. According to this opinion, it is especially appropriate to shave on Fridays, to avoid greeting Shabbat in a disrespectful manner.

Those who want to rely on the lenient opinion may do so, and one should not rebuke them for this practice. However, it is proper for each person to follow the practice of his father or the instruction of his rabbi. Even though, technically, one may rely on the reasoning of those who rule leniently, we cannot ignore the fact that the custom to abstain from shaving during the omerperiod is a strong expression of one’s willingness to sacrifice for the sake of mitzva observance, so there is concern that abolishing this custom will harm one’s dedication to upholding traditional custom. Therefore, it is proper for each person to do as his father does, or as his rabbi instructs him to do, because, in this case, the issues of tradition and environmental influences are more important than the technicalities of whether the mourning customs apply to shaving.⁹ mourning period. So writes Kaf Ha-ḥayim551:66. In section 493:19, he quotes the Aḥaronim as saying that one may shave only if not doing so will cause a loss of income. Igrot Moshe OḤ 4:102 permits shaving in order to avoid financial loss as well; for example, if one’s employers demand that he shave. On the other hand, one can argue that daily shaving is not like cutting one’s hair. After all, the concept of shaving daily did not exist when the custom to refrain from cutting one’s hair as a sign of mourning first began. And just as, with regard to a mourner’s prohibition to bathe, we distinguish between bathing for pleasure or refreshment and bathing in order to remove filth, so too, one could distinguish between festive shaving and shaving in order to remove unsightly facial hair. The purpose of all the mourning customs of the omerperiod is to avoid celebrating, not to exhibit mourning, and allowing beard stubble to remain on one’s face is an exhibition of mourning. Granted, one should not be lenient on this issue during shiva and shloshim, but just as we allow shaving during the year-long mourning period after the death of a parent, so may we be lenient during the omer period and the Three Weeks, until Rosh Ḥodesh Av. R. Hershel Schachter cites this position in Nefesh Ha-Rav (p. 191) in the name of R. Yosef Dov Soloveitchik. This is especially true with regard to shaving before Shabbat. After all, MA 551:14 cites Hagahot Asheri as saying that Ashkenazim, who customarily refrain from haircuts for the entire Three Weeks period, should not get haircuts even before Shabbat, because people do not cut their hair every week. This implies that those who have the custom of shaving every week may shave in honor of Shabbat. See BHL 551:3, which states that the Yerushalmi also indicates that one may shave in honor of Shabbat. In addition to all this, it should be noted that, originally, the only custom of mourning during the omerperiod was to refrain from getting married, and according to the Ge’onim, Jews already began observing this custom soon after R. Akiva’s students died. In contrast, the custom to avoid haircuts is first mentioned in the writings of the Rishonim: Orḥot Ḥayim, Shibolei Ha-leket, and others. Perhaps they instituted it after additional tragedies befell the Jewish people (like the Crusades; see Minhagei Yisrael, vol. 1, pp. 105, 112-117). Responsa Radbaz2:687 writes that some people have a custom that they may cut their hair the entire month of Nisan, during which fasting and eulogizing is forbidden, while others maintain that one may get a haircut every Friday. He also permits getting a haircut on Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar, disputing the opinion of SA 493:3. His position implies that one may follow the more lenient opinions when it comes to this issue. The original Yemenite custom did not forbid haircuts during the omerperiod; this community began acting stringently only later on. R. David Mishreqi (the author of Shetilei Zeitim) and Maharitz (Responsa Pe’ulat Tzadik 2:76) rule that one should get a haircut on Erev Shabbat. Thus, when there is an uncertainty whether shaving has the same status as cutting one’s hair, one may certainly take into consideration those who rule leniently. See Responsa Ner Ezra, vol. 2, pp. 155-158, where the author concludes that one may shave before Shabbat, writing that this is the opinion of R. Shlomo Min-Hahar and R. Aharon Lichtenstein. R. Nachum Rabinovitch, rosh yeshiva of Yeshivat Birkat Moshe in Ma’ale Adumim, recommends that everyone act as his father does, to avoid a situation in which a father shaves and his son does not, or vice versa, thus derogating from the father’s honor. Another reason to permit shaving on Fridays is that those who shave regularly usually feel great discomfort when they are unable to shave for several days. This may be similar to the dispensation allowing one to trim his mustache if it interferes with his eating, or to remove hairs that cause head sores or headaches. See Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:17, which allows one to cut his hair in honor of Shabbat, if his long hair causes him suffering. In addition, Ḥida mentions (in Yosef Ometz §40) the rationale that those who shave regularly suffer greatly when they do not shave, even more than one suffers due to long hair. In my humble opinion, it would technically be proper to rule that those who shave throughout the year should shave in honor of Shabbat, and those who wish to be lenient may shave every day, because the customs of mourning do not apply to daily shaving. However, as I stated above, one should be careful not to undermine tradition in the case of a custom that is displayed so prominently. Therefore, everyone should follow his father’s custom or do as his rabbi instructs him. See a similar discussion below, 8:11, regarding shaving during the Three Weeks.

footnotes: ⁹ Many authorities rule stringently, forbidding all shaving during the omer

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Dancing and Musical Instruments

Since it is customary not to celebrate too much during the omer period, the Aḥaronim write that one may not engage in optional dancing (dancing that is not for the sake of a mitzva; MA 493:1). They also forbid playing or listening to musical instruments.

According to Sephardic custom, the laws of mourning last until the morning of the 34th day of the omer. Nevertheless, in honor of the hilula(yahrzeit, anniversary of a death) of R. Shimon bar Yoḥai, music and dancing are permitted on Lag Ba-omer. Afterward, however, the prohibition resumes and continues through the night of the 34th, until the next morning, when all customs of mourning cease to apply.

According to Ashkenazic practice, the prohibitions last until the end of the 32nd day of the omer, meaning that music, dancing, and rejoicing are permitted from the beginning of the night of Lag Ba-omer, in honor of the hilulaof R. Shimon bar Yoḥai. Most Ashkenazim refrain from large celebrations – like festive graduation ceremonies or dance nights – until Shavu’ot, but one may play and listen to musical instruments. One may conduct exercise classes with musical accompaniment even before Lag Ba-omer, but ideally the volume of the music should be lowered so that it is clear that the purpose of the music is to facilitate exercise, not to bring joy.¹⁰ and Pri Megadim. Siddur Pesaḥ Ke-hilkhato (ch. 12, n. 50) also cites this uncertainty. R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and R. Shmuel Wosner rule stringently (Piskei Teshuvot ch. 493 n. 43). Even though the custom in Israel is to permit weddings after Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan, one should be stringent throughout the omer period with respect to optional dancing. The rationale for extending the customs of mourning beyond Lag Ba-omer is twofold: 1) the tradition that R. Akiva’s students died throughout the omer period, or at least on the weekdays therein; 2) the fact that so many tragedies befell the Ashkenazic communities during these days. The only difference is that we are more stringent in our observance of these customs before Lag Ba-omer than we are afterward. All this was already explained above, in sections 2 and 4 and in notes 2 and 4. The distinction between a large celebration and a regular one is undefined. However, festive graduation ceremonies and dance nights are certainly considered large celebrations. On the other hand, exercise classes are permitted. If one is uncertain whether an event is considered a large celebration, one may be lenient if one combines it with a siyumor some other mitzva component. According to Sephardic custom, one may participate in any type of celebration after Lag Ba-omer. If many of the participants in an event are Sephardim, the group as a whole may be lenient, in accordance with their custom, but it is preferable to combine the event with a siyum or some other mitzva.

footnotes: ¹⁰ Ashkenazic Aḥaronim were uncertain whether one may make large celebrations after the 33 days of primary mourning are finished. They are even uncertain concerning the days between Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan and Shavu’ot, as SHT cites 493:4 in the name of Eliya Rabba

It is customary to permit dancing and playing music on Ḥol Ha-mo’ed Pesaḥ, because it is a mitzva be joyful then (MB 529:16). Weddings, however, may not be held on Ḥol Ha-mo’ed, because we do not mix one celebration with another (SA 546:1). The Sages also forbid getting a haircut on Ḥol Ha-mo’ed, so that people do so prior to the festival (ibid. 531:2).

A Jew who makes a living playing music may perform at non-Jewish affairs if he needs the income. One may also teach or study music during the omerperiod, since these endeavors are not joyful (Siddur Pesaḥ Ke-hilkhato 12:16; see Piskei Teshuvot 493:4). However, a music student who, in any event, studies only intermittently throughout the year, should schedule a break, if possible, during the mourning period of the omer. If he intends to take only one break a year, it is preferable that it be during the Three Weeks (see below 8:2).

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Brit Mila, Hakhnasat Sefer Torah, and Bar Mitzva Celebrations

One may hold a se’udat mitzva and sing and dance at such a meal, just as one does throughout the year. For example, one may prepare a festive meal for a brit mila, pidyon ha-ben (redemption of a firstborn son), or siyum during the omerperiod. One who regularly dances and plays happy music at such meals may do so during the omer period, because it is for the joy of a mitzva.

The same goes for hiring musicians: if the local custom is that one always hires musicians for a se’udat mitzva, one may do so during the mourning period of the omer as well. Even though some poskim rule stringently on this matter, the halakha follows those who are lenient, since the halakhaalways follows the lenient opinion in the case of an uncertainty about a custom of mourning. If, however, it is not clear that people are accustomed to hiring musicians for such events, it is preferable to avoid doing so during this period.

One may celebrate a hakhnasat sefer Torah(inauguration of a new Torah scroll) with music, singing, and dancing, as is customary, because this singing and dancing derives from a mitzva.

The same applies to celebration on the day a boy becomes a bar mitzva or a girl becomes a bat mitzva (that is, on the day of his thirteenth birthday or her twelfth birthday according to the Hebrew calendar): one may celebrate the occasion as one would at any other point throughout the year. When it is impossible to schedule the party on the day the boy actually becomes obligated in mitzvot, one still may conduct a festive meal, but without playing music. If, however, the organizers make sure that someone makes a siyumon the completion of a tractate of the Talmud or an order of the Mishna at the beginning of the party, they may play music as people generally do at bar mitzva celebrations.¹¹ to some degree. Also see above, n. 7. Those who permit playing musical instruments at a se’udat mitzva include: Igrot Moshe, OḤ 2:95, EH 1:97; Mishneh Halakhot 6:109; Yeḥaveh Da’at 6:34. Those who forbid include: Minḥat Yitzḥak 1:111, based on Da’at Kedoshim; see also Piskei Teshuvot 493:5. The halakha follows the lenient opinion when it comes to these laws. Shalmei Mo’ed, p. 454 states in the name of R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach that one may celebrate a bar mitzva on a different day, as long as there is no band or dancing. Even someone who is confined to a wheelchair or otherwise cannot walk, but whose mind is unimpaired, may not hold a joyous celebration during this period.

footnotes: ¹¹ See MA 493:1 and MB 493:3, who write that an engagement party is considered a se’udat mitzva

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / Listening to Music on Electronic Devices

Many poskim maintain that there is no difference between listening to live music and listening to music on the radio or any other electronic device; both are forbidden during the omerperiod (until Lag Ba-omer) and the Three Weeks. One may, however, listen to non-instrumental music on an electronic device (Igrot Moshe, YD 2:137, Yeḥaveh Da’at 6:34). Some forbid even this, because the device itself is considered a musical instrument (Tzitz Eliezer 15:33, Shevet Ha-Levi 8:127).

However, some maintain that the prohibition on music does not apply to listening to music on the radio or any other personal electronic device, as listening to music this way is not festive, whereas live music is. Furthermore, nowadays, listening to music on electronic devices is a regular, universal practice, and since it has become so routine, it is no longer considered a source of joy and festivity. Thus, listening to it is like listening to singing without musical accompaniment, which is permitted during the omer period. In addition, a distinction should be made between joyous songs and regular songs; only joyous songs should be forbidden to listen to during the omer, but regular tunes, and certainly sad tunes, should not be prohibited during the mourning period of the omer. Therefore, one who wishes to be lenient may rely on this opinion and listen to regular and sad songs on a personal electronic device. However, he should not play this music loudly, because the power of a sound that fills a room generates a festive atmosphere. It seems that according to all views, a driver who is worried that he might fall asleep at the wheel may listen to music in order to keep himself alert.¹² prohibit listening to music on electronic devices: In Igrot Moshe, YD 2:137 and OḤ 1:166, R. Moshe Feinstein ruled stringently, stating that one may not listen to musical instruments throughout the year, as a sign of mourning for the Temple’s destruction – all the more so, during the omer period and the Three Weeks. And even though R. Ovadia Yosef permits listening to music throughout the year, he prohibits listening to instrumental music on the radio and the like during the omerperiod and the Three Weeks (Yeḥaveh Da’at 6:34). (In private conversation, however, he permitted Israeli radio station Arutz Shevato play music, to ensure that they would be able to continue broadcasting Torah-oriented shows.) Minḥat Yitzḥak 1:111 concurs. R. Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and R. Yosef Shalom Elyashiv prohibit listening to music on the radio as well (Shalmei Mo’ed, p. 453). Tzitz Eliezer 15:33 and Shevet Ha-Levi 8:127 forbid even non-instrumental music. However, the reasons for leniency are compelling. First of all, musical instruments are not necessarily expressions of joy. See Shabbat 151a, which mentions that flutes were used in funeral elegies. Similarly, Pri Megadim permits playing music during the omer period in order to make a living; this ruling is quoted in BHL 551:2. Maharam Schick (YD 368) discusses the distinction between joyous tunes and sad tunes, stating that sad tunes are permitted during times of mourning. (However, he prohibits teaching music to certain children during their year of mourning, because they learn music only to show off, not to make a living.) In any case, we see that only joyous songs are forbidden. In MT, Laws of Fasts 5:14, where Rambam deals with the prohibition of playing music following the destruction of the Temple, his language implies this as well: “Similarly, they ordained that one should not play melodies with any sort of musical instrument. It is forbidden to celebrate with such instruments or to listen to them being played beacause of the destruction [of the Temple].” Based on this, it seems that the prohibition against listening to musical instruments relates mainly to happy songs, which are often accompanied by dancing, but regular songs – and certainly sad ones – are permitted. Responsa Ḥelkat Yaakov 1:62 brings up another point: listening to music via electronic devices is not included in the decree (or custom) of mourning, because these devices did not exist when the decree (or custom) was originally established. It may be that the reason many poskimdisagreed with this ruling is that these devices were rare at the time, and listening to them was considered a festive activity. Nowadays, however, listening to music players is routine and uneventful; therefore, it is not included in the custom to refrain from listening to live music. My father and teacher, R. Zalman Baruch Melamed, agrees with this viewpoint. R. Shmuel David writes likewise in Teḥumin, vol. 13. See also below 8:4. Once again, since the entire prohibition is based on a custom, the halakha follows the more lenient opinion in cases of uncertainty. This is how Arutz Sheva conducted itself during the mourning period of the omer, broadcasting regular songs and avoiding songs that evoke celebration and dancing. All agree that one may not attend a concert, even if the songs being performed are regular or sad songs, because the very act of gathering for a concert is festive and thus joyous. In my humble opinion, the same is true of listening to mild songs at a high volume: they become somewhat festive because of the force of the sound. According to all opinions, a driver may listen to music in order to keep himself awake, both because listening to music while driving is not so joyous and because of the possible danger to life. Even the poskim who rule stringently agree that one who suffers from depression may listen to music in private, as cited in Hilkhot Ḥag Be-ḥag ch. 7 n. 39.

footnotes: ¹² The following poskim

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / She-heḥeyanu

During the omer period, one may buy a new fruit, garment, or piece of furniture and recite the berakhaof She-heḥeyanu (the berakharecited over special occasions or new experiences) over it. However, in Ashkenazic communities, after the Crusades and the horrific massacres that the Christians carried out against Ashkenazic communities during the omer period, some rabbis began treating the mourning of the omer period as stringently as that of Three Weeks. According to this position, just as we refrain from reciting She-heḥeyanu during the Three Weeks – because it is inappropriate to recite, “Who has given us life…and brought us to this time,” during the period in which the Temple was destroyed – so too, it is inappropriate to recite She-heḥeyanu during a time in which holy Jews were murdered.

In practice, however, the accepted halakha is that there is no prohibition against reciting She-heḥeyanu during the omer period, because these days are not comparable to the days between 17 Tamuz and Tisha Be-Av. Nonetheless, one who wishes to be stringent and refrain from buying clothing and furniture during this period should be commended. In a time of need, however, even one who is generally stringent may be lenient. For example, one who needs an article of clothing or a piece of furniture may buy it. Similarly, if an opportunity arises to buy one of these items at a reduced price, he may buy it. Those who follow the more stringent custom should wear the garment for the first time, and recite She-heḥeyanu over it, on Shabbat, Rosh Ḥodesh, Yom Ha-atzma’ut, or at a se’udat mitzva. Likewise, if one buys a new piece of furniture, he should try to begin using it on one of these joyous days.

Similarly, one may buy a house and even move into it during the omerperiod, especially if the house is in Eretz Yisrael, and all the more so if it is located in an area that is devoid of Jews, because buying a house in such a place fulfills the mitzva of settling Eretz Yisrael optimally. An individual buyer recites She-heḥeyanu, and a married couple recites Ha-tov Ve-hametiv.¹³ quotes his teacher, R. Yisrael Isserlein, the author of Terumat Ha-deshen, as saying that one should avoid reciting She-heḥeyanu during the omerperiod. Several other Rishonim and Aḥaronim rule similarly. However, many Aḥaronim reject this stringent custom, including Ma’amar Mordechai 493:2 – quoted in MB 493:2 – and Kaf Ha-ḥayim 493:4. See Yabi’a Omer OḤ 3:26 and Yeḥaveh Da’at 1:24, which summarize the various opinions. Some are stringent regarding moving into a new house, because this is a very joyous occasion, similar to the joy of a wedding (Responsa Avnei Tzedek, YD 44). Yeḥaveh Da’at 3:30 rules leniently. It is important to note that the omer period has a joyous side as well. Accordingly, Ramban writes (in his commentary on Parashat Emor) that they are like Ḥol Ha-mo’ed, like intermediate days between Pesaḥ and Shavu’ot. However, they also have an aspect of tension and suspense, since one must ascend during this period from one level to the next, until he reaches the pinnacle of the giving of the Torah**at Sinai. When one is unable to climb from one level to the next in the proper order, the result is crisis and misfortune, as the Jewish people have experienced throughout their history. This is why we mourn during the omer period. Nevertheless, the holiness of these days remains intact, and thus this period is still very conducive to spiritual growth and purification, in anticipation of the giving of the Torah and the opportunity to attain intimacy with God.

footnotes: ¹³ Leket Yosher

One may invite friends to a meal during the omer period, as long as they do not play musical instruments there. One may also go on a trip or go hiking, because one must avoid only joyous activities, not all pleasurable ones. Even though some are stringent in this regard, the halakha follows the more lenient opinion when it comes to these customs of mourning. Nevertheless, it is better not to schedule a school trip until after Lag Ba-omer, because such trips are very joyous. However, a school may schedule an educational trip during this period, even le-khatḥila.

Customs of Mourning during the Omer Period / A Brief Summary of the Joyous Days within the Omer Period

None of the customs of mourning are practiced on Ḥol Ha-mo’ed Pesaḥ, because it is a mitzva to rejoice then, as we explained above, in section 8, regarding music.

According to some poskim, one may get a haircut on Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar, because it is like a Yom Tov and none of the customs of mourning apply on it. In practice, though, it is customary to refrain from getting a haircut on that day, as Shulḥan Arukh (493:3) rules.

According to Ashkenazic custom, if Rosh Ḥodesh Iyar falls out on Shabbat, giving it extra joy, one may get a haircut on Friday. Likewise, one may also get married on that Friday, shortly before Shabbat, such that the celebration and the festive meal take place on Shabbat and Rosh Ḥodesh. The prevalent custom among Sephardim is to be lenient in this regard only under pressing circumstances.¹⁵ maintains that this is forbidden, and this is the general practice. Regarding weddings on Rosh Ḥodesh that coincides with Shabbat, see above n. 6; see section 6 regarding haircuts.

footnotes: ¹⁵ According to Radbaz, Maharikash, and Maharam Lunzano, one may get a haircut on Rosh Ḥodesh (even when it does not fall out on Shabbat). In contrast, Beit Yosef

Yom Ha-atzma’ut is a holiday of thanksgiving and rejoicing. Therefore, it is proper to shave in anticipation of Yom Ha-atzma’ut, and one may even cut one’s hair for this occasion. Getting married, however, is prohibited (see below 4:11).

According to Ashkenazic practice, one may get a haircut and get married on the day of Lag Ba-omer, and in a time of need, one may even be lenient on the night of Lag Ba-omer. According to Sephardic custom, however, one may not get a haircut or get married on Lag Ba-omer, as explained above in sections 3 and 4.

When Lag Ba-omer falls out on Friday, even Sephardim may cut their hair then (SA 493:2).

According to Ashkenazic practice, one may cut one’s hair on the Friday preceding Lag Ba-omer when it falls out on Sunday. According to Sephardim, however, this is prohibited (see above n. 8. Regarding weddings, some Ashkenazic poskim rule leniently under pressing circumstances, but Sephardim prohibit this; see n. 6.).

Even according to the custom of many Ashkenazim, who refrain from getting married until Rosh Ḥodesh Sivan, one may get married on the 28th of Iyar (Yom Yerushalayim). Likewise, one may conduct large celebrations on that day (see below 4:11).