אבל אסור בשאלת שלום כיצד שלשה ימים הראשונים אינו שואל בשלום כל אדם ואם אחרים לא ידעו שהוא אבל ושאלו בשלומו לא ישיב להם אלא יודיעם שהוא אבל מג' עד שבעה אינו שואל ואם אחרים לא ידעו שהוא אבל ושאלו בשלומו משיב להם משבעה עד ל' שואל בשלום אחרים שהם שרויים בשלום ואין אחרים שואלים בשלומו וכ"ש שמשיב למי ששואל בשלומו לאחר ל' יום הרי הוא כשאר כל אדם בד"א בשאר קרובים אבל על אביו ואמו שואל בשלום אחרים אחר שבעה ואין אחרים שואלים בשלומו עד אחר י"ב חדש: הגה ומאחר שאסור בשאלת שלום כ"ש שאסור להרבות בדברים (רמב"ם פ"ה וכל בו) ואם עושה לכבוד רבים כגון שרבים באים לנחמו מותר לומר להם לכו לבתיכם לשלום דלכבוד רבים שרי (נ"י פרק אלו מגלחין ובהגהות מיי' ובמרדכי הלכות אבל) ויש מקילין האידנא בשאלת שלום האבל לאחר ל' ואין טעם להם אם לא שיחלקו לומר שזה מה שאנו נוהגים לא מקרי שאלת שלום שבימיהם (סברת הרב) ועיין בא"ח סימן פ"ג:

In what manner is a mourner forbidden to extend a greeting of peace?¹ (Ez. XXIV, 17, 22-23). Cf. Rashi and Tosaf. a.l. — [During] the first three days² he does not extend a greeting of peace to anyone. If others were unaware that he is a mourner, and extended to him a greeting of peace, he should not respond to them, but should inform them that he is a mourner. After three and to seven [days] he does not extend a greeting [of peace]. If others were unaware that he is a mourner and extended to him a greeting of peace, he responds to them..³ After seven [and] to thirty [days] he extends a greeting of peace to others who abide in peace, but others do not extend to him a greeting of peace,⁴ and so much the more that he responds to one who extended to him a greeting of peace.⁵ After thirty days he is regarded as all other people.⁶ This applies only in the case of other near-of-kin, but [one who is in mourning] for his father or mother, extends a greeting of peace to others after the seven [days of mourning], but others do not extend a greeting of peace to him until after twelve months.⁷ However, he may extend a greeting of peace to others after the seven days of mourning. Gloss: And since he is forbidden to extend a greeting of peace, so much the more is he forbidden to indulge in much conversation.⁸ V, 20 and Kol Bo — G. Cf. infra § 393, 2. However, if he does [so] out of deference to the public, e.g., if many [people] came to offer him consolation, he is permitted to say to them, 'Go to your homes unto peace,' — for out of deference to the public, it is permissible.⁹ to M.K. III; Hag. Maim. ibid.; Mord. Laws of Mourning —G. Cf. M.K. ibid. with respect to R. Akiba. There are some who adopt a lenient view nowadays with respect to extending a greeting of peace to the mourner after thirty days,¹⁰ and [actually] they have no grounds for this [procedure], unless [it is possible] that they make a distinctoin [in this matter] by saying that our custom [today] of extending [a greeting to the mourner] is not regarded [on the same footing as] a greeting of peace extended in their [former] days.¹¹ — G. ShaK rejects this distinction, for if this were so, it should be applicable even within the thirty days of mourning. D.M. who has the reading ‘after seven days’ instead of ‘after thirty days.’ Ba’er Heteb, however, maintains that if one greets with the formula ‘Good morning’ or the like, it is not considered as a ‘greeting of peace.’ For only the formula containing the word ‘peace’ (שלום) is not to be used. B.Yos. to O.Ḥ. § 85 and cf. Zohar Pekude 103a.

footnotes: ¹ M.K. 15a, derived from the words of God to Ezekiel, ‘Sigh in silence’ ² Which are designated for weeping (M.K. 27b). ³ Out of respect. ⁴ This, of course, applies to those who are aware that he is within the thirty days of mourning. ⁵ To one who is unaware that he is in mourning. ⁶ M.K. 21b. ⁷ Ibid. ⁸ Yad, Ebel ⁹ N.Yos. ¹⁰ Who is in mourning for a parent. ¹¹ Opinion of Isserles

One who meets his friend [who is a] mourner, [if] within the thirty days [of mourning], he offers him words of consolation, but does not extend to him a greeting of peace; [if] after thirty days, he may extend a greeting of peace to him, but offers him not words of consolation in one's usual manner, but [makes reference to his sorrow] indirectly, [viz.,] he does not mention to him the name of the dead, but [only] says to him, 'Be consoled.'¹² [If] his [friend's] wife died and he married another woman,¹³ 23a. infra § 392, he does not enter his home to offer him words of consolation;¹⁴ [if] he met him in the street, he says to him, 'Be consoled' in an undertone and with a bent head.¹⁵.). But if he did not marry another woman, he may offer him words of consolation¹⁶ until after three Festivals have passed.¹⁷ on the authority of T.H. After this period he makes no mention of this at all. Nowadays this ruling is no longer in force. However, [if he is in mourning] for his father or mother, he offers him words of consolation throughout the twelve months [of mourning]; after twelve months he makes reference [to his mourning] indirectly.¹²

footnotes: ¹² M.K. 12b. ¹³ Within the three Festivals. Cf. ibid. ¹⁴ For it is not good manners to make such remarks in the presence of his new wife. ¹⁵ Without ostentation (M.K. ibid ¹⁶ Whether in his home or in the street. ¹⁷ Tur ¹² M.K. 12b.

[In] a locality where it is the adopted custom to extend to mourners a greeting of peace on the Sabbath, one may do so.¹⁸ that R. Hoshaya, the Elder, once went to a certain place and met mourners on the Sabbath. He extended to them a greeting of peace and said to them, ‘I know not what is the custom of your place (with respect to greeting on the Sabbath); however, peace be unto you in accordance with the custom of our place.’ also Asheri to M.K. Cf. O.Ḥ. § 287. Furthermore, Maimonides writes that the mourner may offer a greeting of peace to everyone on the Sabbath,¹⁹ X, 1. Thus also Tur on the authority of the latter. Kes. Mish. (ibid.) states that the reason this law was not mentioned in B. is that it is quite obvious that otherwise it would be regarded as public mourning which is prohibited on the Sabbath. for [otherwise] this comes under the class of things regarded as public [mourning, which is forbidden on the Sabbath]. Gloss: It is forbidden to send [or bring] gifts to one who is in mourning for his father or mother, throughout the twelve months [of mourning], *and even on the Sabbath, in a locality where it is the adopted custom not to extend to him a greeting of peace on the Sabbath;*²⁰ 31 — G. With respect to sending gifts to a mourner on Purim, v. M.Abr. to O.Ḥ. § 696, n. 12 who permits and TaZ (ibid.) who forbids. A mourner is permitted to recite the שהחיינו Benediction (‘Blessed art thou … who hast granted us life and sustenance and permitted us to reach this season’) whenever necessary, e.g., on Ḥanukkah or when partaking of a new fruit or the like — *R.E.*Z. Margolis. but in a localtiy where it is the adopted custom to extend to him a greeting of peace on the Sabbath, this too, is permissible.

footnotes: ¹⁸ Y.Ber. II, 7(5b); Y.M.K. III, 5(82d), where it is reported inter alia ¹⁹ Yad, Ebel ²⁰ MaHaRIL, Resp.